Friday, April 19, 2013

For pity, you may have a rose

Don't you love the smell after the rain?

Having a garden, seeing the rain droplets over the green, the squishy soft earth, knowing that life is bursting right under your bare toes...I don't know, it's just amazing to me.

Have been sleeping with the windows wide open. I believe it is influencing my dreams. I have dreams of Pan, lately. This Horned God is making his presence known.

Warm day, breezy nights.

Doing art with no money. Reminds of days past when my creativity was at its finest. I couldn't just go to the store and pick up started projects. My art revolved around writing, picking up random bits from the ground, going out and letting nature fill me with her ideals.

I feel better about life.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Streaked with red vines

Part of the living area.

Spent a lot of time walking around. Part of it was a waste of time, spending more time being angry and hated, It's reason like that that make it hard for me to support someone. It also seems like I'm always ask to support something, while we are essentially ignored. Well, can I call that person a friend if the friendship seems one way? Moving past the hurt and pain and evolving into the person I want to be and the people I want to be around.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

naked, existentially dejected

another day, another long solitary day.

was awaken at 6:45am...the earliest I believe I have been awaken in a year. Not a good start.

You know, I'm tired of being alone. I want to embrace life fully, but it's hard some days. I feel punished for having a child. No friends, or if I do talk to someone, it's automatically assumed of what I can't do. No invites out, no hanging out. "Oh sorry, you have a kid, so you wouldn't want to hang out, etc" Empty promises, broken promises.

Maybe my son will have it better than I did.

I surely hope so.

Oh well, maybe one day I will be truly smiling, not forcing one.

*goes back to reading*