Friday, June 28, 2013

Lost in the lumincescent sea of green

Maybe I was not the exotic outcast that I imagined, but merely the dim magnification of every human soul.
Old truths and ancient magic, revolution and inventions, all conspire to distract us from the passion that in one way or another defeats us all.
And weary finally of this complexity, we dream of that long-ago time when we sat upon our mother’s knee and each kiss was the perfect consummation of desire. What can we do but reach for the embrace that must now contain both heaven and hell: our doom again and again and again.”  the Vampire Lestat

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Listen to your good heart

I should update this more
I know. I keep saying that

went out on June 23, ate dinner at a friends house. got doughnuts and watched the Supermoon for a while in a field of a super expensive private school. That was a refreshing change of pace. No photos since I have no camera, but maybe one day.

I make meals I like to call my Bohemian meals. They are literally just whatever I can find or get for super cheap. I have two small raised bed that I try to grow food in. My potato patch is coming up and I pulled up a few.
My lifestyle revolves around gardening, dollar stores, thift stores and dumpsters. I can't afford much else, with the exception of Sav a lot. So food is creative. Today, I made cheesy potatoes and hot dogs, mixed together. It is quick, cheap and filling.

I have noticed that bohemian now means people who can afford ethnic (or at least looking ethnic) tastes, style, fashion, food. They also have money to spend on brand new items or at least someone willing to buy them what they want after some sob story. Would I want presents now and then? Honestly, sure. But it hasn't happened and I don't think it will. And I'm okay with that. It might make life harder, but life isn't always going to be easy. Besides, I live being creative in all aspects of my life and someone just giving me things all the time would probably not fulfill that for me. I think creatively has led to some amazing things and it would be a sad affair if those amazing moments just stopped.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Sickness in Shadows

I wish I could take a few photos but my camera is on its last legs. I like that about me
I actually like to use things until they go rather than trying to be updated with everything.
I am not a fan of those who do that since it is a waste of time, energy, money and resources to just buy over and over and over. These same people often complain about their lack of funds as well. Oh well, that's is their life.

I suppose the term fair weather friends applies to me. I feel that way. Only friends when either they want something, usually someone to tell them how special they are or need someone to entertain them when everyone else is busy. I seem to fall into the latter, the last resource, the last friend on the list, when all other options are used up. I am used up, at least from their perspective. Too poor to be fun. I can't just up and go and spend money, or go to events or the like. I have a child so that just throws me into the category of unable to have fun or be exciting or worth spending time with, which is laughable. Parents, especially, need time to themselves, time to be adults, time spent with other adults. They really do. But alas, this society deems otherwise, then they ask questions when people do insane horrible things like kill their whole family when they are depressed. Tell someone over and over that all they are allowed to be is just parents is probably not the smartest thing.

I'm in an art block. Well, not really, more like art valley. I have ideals but not the means to do them. I need to extend my hoodie for the cooler weather, paint the wooden floors, build a bookcase, plant rose bushes and dark flowers (maybe next season or grow indoor plants) attempt to do some black and white art....

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

so long ago

I haven't written in a while.
I haven't had much to say

I feel as if I do, but I don't really know how to say it.
So much is bubbling inside me.
I am confused
Not sure which way to go.
Choices are good, right?

I'm torn, between two opposite worlds
one of nature
one of machine

both are appealing
but which one is true to me?
that's the puzzler.
I have to choose which one is for me, not what others want me to do....