Strangely Enough

The last few weeks have been..up and down, left and right..circles..etc.

Ander's brother came for a week. It was one of those weeks where you just can't wait for it to end. We always were under the belief that his youngest brother was similiar to him, wanting to explore life, wanting to do more than just be the perfect child, following parent's wishes for careers and whatnot.

Not the case at all.

He had interest in leaving home (he is almost 25). He was perfectly fine with following his parent's set path for him except if someone he wanted to impress said something. Then it was different. He also refused to do anything on his own, at all. If you know me at all, you will get that I'm introverted. I'm not huge on just going out all the time. Plus, I like to work my art and writing. With Marius it is hard to just go out since I have to get him ready and pay more attention to keeping him relatively safe. So, brother would get upset at me since I didn't want to go out and ride around and eat at fast food restaurants. Oh didn't mention that. He only wanted to eat at Burger King, Wendys and Dunkin Donuts. See, I cook to save money and calories. And he ate the heaviest things and drank those super thick milkshakes, probably eating close to 800-1300 calories per visit. So, on Sunday, the last full day of his visit, ended up hanging out with Chris, who is just as outspoken as I am, if not more so. He knew about this visit and wanted to meet him. Okay. So, brother wanted to go to the mall. Remember me mentioning how he didn't want to do anything himself? He had ALL week to go to stores and stuff but since Anders works,  (which he let him know before he came) and couldn't go with him, he waited until the last day and try to squeeze all these trips in. Orginal plan was the beach, which we said probably wouldn't work since it was suppose to rain (which is did..in torrents) and besides he decided to sleep until 1pm and then pout because of the rain. Like I said long week. At the mall, he refused to go to the stores because we didn't want to go in them all, as if he can't walk into the store alone. Me trying to contain Marius in a busy place, he would get frustrated that I wasn't moving as fast and then get mad at me for not letting Marius walk on his own. Yeah, exactly. At this small cafe, he wanted a coffee, and I swear the cashier was going to slug him since she was alone and he wanted her to let him taste test all these drinks. I think she should have personally. 20 wasted minutes later..he's got his drink and still complaining. Moving on.. so next stop was game stop, which was one the other side. And then the.."The Mall will be closing in 20 minutes" came on. Here is the funny part. We tell him..run ahead of us so you can get to the store and get what you wanted to get. He starts walking, looking back and stops. I nearly scream at him. "Will you GO ahead? since he seems to NOT get that the mall is closing and the store he wants is just a few feet ahead. I had to say to him three times to go to the store before he finally went. And then he started having some random conversation with the clerk who was trying to get the last few customers what they needed.
Outside,,Chris is talking about going to hometown buffet. Brother wanted to go to Friendlys. Anders, Chris and I aren't big on friendlys. Hometown was less than a mile away and offered more food at the same price. of course brother pouted and sulked, so Chris says, "You had all week to go to friendlys'. It's down the street from where they live" I even told him that he could go to Friendlys  and we would go to hometown, since if we were going to pay $12 or so a person, might as well do a buffet.  So finally we go, in two separate cars to Hometown. After paying $9 a person (coupons!), what did this brother of his do? Act like a spoiled child. He got a plate of food and literally took 2 bites and said "My stomach feels funny" Yes..he wasted a whole plate of food (good food at that) because he had a tantrum. He did that all week actually. He wasted food continuously. He threw away Japanese food a friend ordered, 3/4 of a stromboli,..i HATE food wasters..i really do.
Oh..and the friendlys he wanted to go to so bad? Him and Anders go to the next morning. He ordered their milkshake that is about 1200 calories alone, drinks it all. Orders all this food..and yes..doesn't eat much of it. Like seriously. All that noise and still wasted food and money.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So after that week, things were discussed in the house. Anders has to come to grips that his family isn't what he believed on any level. His middle brother had gotten married that week and his parents pulled out all the stops for them. Why not? They now got their white, middle class daughter in law. While they pretend that they didn't, they said and did whatever they could to keep us apart. We got married at the courthouse, i.e eloped in a sense.

okay....feeling better since I ranted...

moving on
-working on handpainted watercolor tye dye stickers
-handsewen fabric hearts
-painting all the walls in the house
-writing daily
-becoming even more of an eccentric bohemian

No money.. no worries or all worries

I went about 20 years of my life with not much in the way of money. We moved a lot, lived with people, never had much, but I think I turned out okay. I ended up marrying a guy from the upper middle class, but you know how it is when people don't appreciate their child falling in love with someone from the lower class. Needless to say, our first year of marriage was more of what i had growing up. for me, no real issue. I was used to it. For him, it was almost suicidal.

In some ways, for him, it still is. No matter what, the idea of following dreams, even when to get to that dream, one might have to not have as much cash, he won't do it. Even after ten years, he is still afraid of what other people might say, might think about him, what his parents will say.  It's hard for me, watching him talk about his dreams and having no follow thru based on other people opinion. It's hard for me because if I want to follow a desire, and in all honestly, have no problems with sacrificing some things, he will usually end up overriding my desires and think I would be better off if I didn't sacrifice anything. Example. If I don't wish to let say spend money for a bit, so we can save up to do whatever, within a week, or even a few days, he will order out and say "I want you to have it" NO matter how often I say, "I don't want it" it still that ideal that "That can't possible be true. Everybody wants this". I think that is the main division in this marriage. People might think that it's no big deal, but it is. How can my desires or wishes be overrun because someone else is telling me "THat's not what you want. Everyone wants this, so you must want it too". That's not fair to me. IT's not fair to have someone decide for me what is right. I dont' say anything to him about his desires, well for one reason, I know he won't follow through, and second, not my desires to discount.

It's hard also because people always side with him. You would think that a wife who isn't all about spending money, wants to save so he can have more time to follow his dreams, would at least be appreciated. No. I'm hated, almost vilified for it. I would be lying if sometimes I kind of wish I didn't marry him. I know that I don't honestly regret it. I love and care for him deeply. But I'm getting older now. I can't be waiting for someone who is still afraid of offending his parents to prevent me from following my dreams.

Back to the no money thing. I didn't care much about money until I met him. Actually even when we met, started dating, I still didn't care. BUt he kept insisting that this was so important, based on his own upbringing. Ten years of that. Now I'm trying to remove that from me, focus back on writing, on art, on crafting again, being outside, exploring, learning new things. All what I used to do without stressing over money I didn't have. But no matter how often I say no, it's always, "you know you really want this". I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a society that trashes me for not wanting to believe in the god of money. I'm somewhat stuck with people who think I'm some sort of traitor...

I need a breath of fresh air.