For pity, you may have a rose

Don't you love the smell after the rain?

Having a garden, seeing the rain droplets over the green, the squishy soft earth, knowing that life is bursting right under your bare toes...I don't know, it's just amazing to me.

Have been sleeping with the windows wide open. I believe it is influencing my dreams. I have dreams of Pan, lately. This Horned God is making his presence known.

Warm day, breezy nights.

Doing art with no money. Reminds of days past when my creativity was at its finest. I couldn't just go to the store and pick up started projects. My art revolved around writing, picking up random bits from the ground, going out and letting nature fill me with her ideals.

I feel better about life.

Streaked with red vines

Part of the living area.

Spent a lot of time walking around. Part of it was a waste of time, spending more time being angry and hated, It's reason like that that make it hard for me to support someone. It also seems like I'm always ask to support something, while we are essentially ignored. Well, can I call that person a friend if the friendship seems one way? Moving past the hurt and pain and evolving into the person I want to be and the people I want to be around.

naked, existentially dejected

another day, another long solitary day.

was awaken at 6:45am...the earliest I believe I have been awaken in a year. Not a good start.

You know, I'm tired of being alone. I want to embrace life fully, but it's hard some days. I feel punished for having a child. No friends, or if I do talk to someone, it's automatically assumed of what I can't do. No invites out, no hanging out. "Oh sorry, you have a kid, so you wouldn't want to hang out, etc" Empty promises, broken promises.

Maybe my son will have it better than I did.

I surely hope so.

Oh well, maybe one day I will be truly smiling, not forcing one.

*goes back to reading*

lips smeared with black lipstick

I am not afraid of the night. In act, I much rather prefer it. Much quieter, more time to think, less busy, less people. I don't know why people believe the night is something to fear.

Crafting again.
Paper Mache

Need to keep cleaning. I want to finish the kitchen, but that has to wait.

Going back to reading

Lethal looking

drawing again

Not one pink sugar drop

Rainy day today. Cold.

Spent yesterday spreading flower seeds, most perennials and Texas wildflowers sent to me. Herbs and vegetables are next. I began herbs inside on the back window sills. I lean towards the do nothing way, allowing nature to work her wondrous magic without my interference. It does work and I get a lovely forest jungle instead of boring, straitlaced grass and fences. I will have third year grapes this year. I have a new grapevine as well, so I do hope to have a good 15 years of grapes from the three different vines. I also have a sprawling strawberry patch, mixed in with various herbs. I cannot wait for the entire front to be covered. It will be magic walking barefoot.

Slowly patching my hoodie with randomly cut fabrics of black, red, some white. 

I plan to half bury some glass wine bottles in the front to place candles in during the spring/summer. I plan to fill each bottle with an array of items, including glass, rocks, beads, anything that will reflect the candle light. Did I mention my neighborhood finds me strange?

I would love to make both an artificial and a real faery ring for the outside.

I still have no ideal what I would like to do with the back fenced in driveway. Any ideals?

Once cheerful wreck of a room

Ah..life.
Been on a better track. Rearranging and deleting. Rid myself of a truckload of my past and current burdens.

Looking forward to spring. Planting a garden and flowers, letting the wild side creep in. I tire of neatly arranged.

Tire of seeing unhappy people doing all they can to keep you in the mud with them. Nothing wrong with being unhappy when it's needed, but no need to force others to not live because you aren't.

As another day comes to an end, I look forward to a blissfully night of activity.